In which I ride a gay, high horse

I support gay marriage. If two guys want to do it with each others’ mouths and butts, or if two ladies think it’d be fun to sit on each others faces forever and ever in blissful matrimony, that’s fine. I’ve met too many exceptionally kind gay people and too many exceptionally shitty gay people to not believe that, barring their proclivity for playing with whichever kind of genitals is chilling on their groins, they are exactly the same as straight people, and are therefore entitled to the same rights to pursue happiness that I am. (Of course, happiness is a myth, but I don’t think that should ever stop anyone trying to get at it.)

Maybe the most popular argument against gay marriage (after the religious one, which, come on) is that being gay isn’t natural. Now, it’s my understanding that homosexuality is pretty much proven to be a biologically inherent trait. And that’s kind of what it means to be natural, right? To occur in nature? Natural? Using this definition of “natural,” here’s an abridged list of things that are far less natural than homosexuality.

-Mountain Dew
-Doritos (any flavor)
-Ice cream
-Marriage
-Roads
-Cars
-Bicycles
-Toilets
-Buildings
-Clothing
-Chairs

Do you like chairs? Well tough shit, because they aren’t natural. So unless you want to be thought of as a godless queer, stand up forever. Never sit down. You’d have to sleep standing up, too, because we had to invent mattresses. Mattresses were a lifestyle choice.

So basically, all of humanity is unnatural. We’re an unnatural thing. We don’t make any sense.

But then this begs the question of what “natural” even really is. I just gave my own definition for it. Merriam-Webster lists FIFTEEN DEFINITIONS, many of which have auxiliary definitions. This is problematic enough in and of itself, but look at that first one:

based on an inherent sense of right and wrong

Notice that it doesn’t say “based on what is inherently right and wrong,” because right and wrong are never objective. But then this circles back into the religion argument, which, come on.

As much as I complain about this school, it’s so pretty when it snows.

As much as I complain about this school, it’s so¬†pretty when it snows.

I thought I’d post the only picture saved on the computer at work.

I thought I’d post the only picture saved on the computer at work.